I have a side I want the world to see. This side of me is shiny, positive, smart, and practically perfect, like Mary Poppins.
The A-Side
It’s my A-side, the one I spin for company, acquaintances, and anyone who might catch a glimpse of me from afar. It’s curated, polished, and, let’s be honest, a bit of my greatest hits album.
Growing up, my A-side looked as flawless as I could muster from some self-imposed rules. Thinking back to my childhood, I now know how irritating I must have been to my classmates, siblings, and probably strangers on the street because of this attempt to draw attention away from my imperfections by only playing my 45 record’s A-side.
45 Records
But let’s rewind a bit, back to the 70s, a time when vinyl records were queen, and I was a kid with a small weekly allowance burning a hole in my pocket. I lived for the weekends when I could walk the two and a half blocks to Kmart. Sure, I had to cross the busiest street in town, but that was just a minor obstacle on my quest for candy bars that cost a mere 10 cents or a sub sandwich for 50.
But the real treasure was the 45 records. For those who need a refresher, a 45 record was a vinyl circle that played music at 45 revolutions per minute. They were a lot smaller and faster than the LPs, which chugged along at a leisurely 33 rpms.
Now, these 45s usually cost around a dollar, and in the days before Spotify, that was a hefty investment, especially considering I was only getting one song, obviously called a single. The A-side was the hit; the reason I shelled out my hard-earned cash. For me, it was all about Billy Joel. I’d buy his records for the A-side hit like Piano Man. That song was worth every penny.
The B-Side
But, like most things in life, the 45 had a flip side – the B-side. And let me tell you, sometimes that B-side was a dud. On my Piano Man record, the B-side was You’re My Home. I had never heard of it, and I never would have spent another buck on it, but I played both sides of that 45 until the grooves had almost worn through. Even though Piano Man was my favorite song, I began to love that B-side. They are both fantastic songs.
What I didn’t know I didn’t know was how much people are like those 45 records. We’ve all got an A-side – the one we play for the world, and a B-side – the one that’s a bit rougher around the edges, out of tune, and unedited for that shiny Facebook post. It’s the side of us that’s usually hidden away, reserved for those who know us best – or sometimes, it’s kept just for ourselves.
During my career as an elementary teacher, I spent more than 30 years often squelching my true personality to make everyone around me feel comfortable. My B-side was still spinning, but I couldn’t set the needle down to play that music.
Perfecting My A-Side
I’ve often wondered why I spend so much time perfecting my A-side. I smooth out my wrinkles, put on my best smile, and present the version of myself that I think the world wants to see – I put on a show, trying to maintain the illusion that I’ve got it all together. Sure, my A-side is practically perfect in every way, but maintaining that illusion is like juggling flaming swords while wearing Spanx – exhausting and a little dangerous.
What was on my B-side?
You see, on my B-side, I’m not that practically perfect figure – I’m more like Mary Poppins after a couple of margaritas, in mismatched socks, and unable to find her glasses because they are on her head. It’s the side that doesn’t always hit the right notes and sometimes isn’t in sync with the beat. It’s the side of me that sometimes feels tired, vulnerable, or just plain fed up, with a few swear words sprinkled on top. But do you know what? It’s warping me as I try to keep that A-side spinning all the time.
Flipping to My B-Side
There’s a special kind of relief that comes with flipping over to the B-side of life. It’s the side where I can wash the makeup off my face, throw my bra on the floor, and let my true self shine through, quirks and all. It’s where I keep the parts of myself that don’t always fit the mold – the parts that might not be everyone’s cup of tea but are authentically me.
My B-side is where my far-out ideas, nasal voice, and snort laugh live, waiting for someone who cares enough to turn my record over and give it a listen. It’s where I find the courage to embrace the fact that I don’t have to be perfect to be loved. I can even find those people who really love me for both sides, and I sure do love them back.
In the end, it’s my B-side that makes me unique, and just like those 45 records, sometimes my B-side is a hidden gem… and sometimes it’s a scratchy, warped tune you tolerate because flipping the record back over takes too much effort after a certain age.
So go ahead, let your B-side play. You might just find that it’s the song you’ve been waiting to hear all along.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What’s on your B-side that you’ve been keeping under wraps? Do you ever just let it spin when no one’s looking? And come on – what was your favorite 45 from back in the day? Did the B-side surprise you, or did you secretly hope no one would ever flip the record?