I recently had email contact with a woman who I met only once – and that was some 20 years ago. She is the best friend of someone I used to know and like, but who I haven’t seen for years because we don’t live near each other. In her email, the woman mentioned that she and our mutual friend had just been remembering something I had said years ago.
I have absolutely no memory of the conversation, but it sounded like something I might have said. Odd to think that some few words said so many years ago sit in the brains of other people, far far away.
And it reminded me of how an old friend from France, who I don’t see often but was visiting my house a couple of years ago, talked about something one of my children had said when they were small. I don’t remember the details, but again I was struck that someone well outside my day-to-day life had memories I would have liked to know about but didn’t.
It makes you think.
Memories
Do you ever stop and think how many people – whether a close friend or relative or simply someone you met once – have memories of you or your family that you don’t actually remember yourself?
It is very strange. Pleasing and unsettling at the same time.
You want to remember your life, and you go to some trouble to hold onto those memories. I keep old letters. Indeed, I keep old writings.
Of equal importance, I guard my old computer documents and emails with care. An electronic disk drive sits on my desk and automatically backs up every hour, rain or shine. It’s overkill – once a day would be fine, but it’s what the programme does.
In addition, I have an arrangement with ‘the Cloud’ that I don’t understand at all (in my head, it is literally in the clouds that frequently hide any sun in London), but I believe is backing up my work and papers.
And then there are memory sticks that allow us to save particular documents.
It is fun, now and then, to open such old documents of one kind or another and be reminded of events long forgotten. Not so different from looking at old photo albums or those seemingly endless stored photos on our phones.
I do so from time to time. Ah yes, I think, I had forgotten about that day. Or the nice compliment someone gave me. Or that funny thing one of my grandsons said that I had sent on to his mother.
People with Memories of You
Well, the truth is that people can be like these various devices. You can’t call up the memories quite so systematically. But they can turn up in your life unexpectedly.
There are so many repositories of such memories. There may be friends from primary school or, more likely, high school, the time when so many emotions were heightened.
And then on up – university friends, work colleagues, the parents of your kids’ friends, friends made on holiday. And so forth and so on.
Not to mention your family. Your brothers and sisters who are the repository of shared memories, the older generation – to the extent to which they are still alive – who shared so many family occasions. Not to mention all the people who were more-than-friends – even spouses – at some point. You may or may not have a lot of these.
And then, regrettably, there are all the people who were never friends at all. Those you actively disliked – or disliked you – who remember the assumed or real slights, the battle of wills or serious arguments that tend to stick in the brain for a long time.
No doubt about it, a long list of people will have retained some memories of you.
What We Remember
Of course, they are not all thinking about you much of the time – if ever – but they could. What would they remember? Would it prove embarrassing? Would it prove enlightening?
Would you want to know?
And lest this is a slightly disconcerting thought, remember that you also have memories of a large number of people, too. Good memories, bad ones, funny ones – and the occasional remark that always stayed with you.
Life is full of memories everywhere. It’s a shame that we can’t call them all up when we wish.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Do you like the idea of people remembering things about you that you have forgotten? Or does the idea disturb you? Or are you completely indifferent? Would you like to be able to cull the brains of all those people to remind you of your past?