October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I am a three-time cancer survivor. Twice as a breast cancer survivor and third as a survivor of multiple myeloma, a rare form of blood cancer, which I’m currently dealing with and since there’s no cure for this cancer, I will probably have treatment for the rest of my life.
Writing Was There from the Very First Diagnosis
Having cancer is not an identity that I wear on my sleeve, but I am proud to report how much writing has helped me survive my journeys. Back in 2001 when I received my first breast cancer diagnosis, in addition to having a supportive family and healthcare team, writing proved to be a great source of strength and became an enormous component of my healing.
I experienced a rollercoaster of emotions including shock, anger, sadness, and finally, acceptance. During each stage, I tried turning to writing as a healthy alternative to bottling up emotions or reaching for psychotropic medications. Writer Virginia Woolf confessed that she wrote in her diary “to bring order to the chaos in her life.” And that’s just what my journal did for me. Writing is also a way to make sense of our experiences.
Many Ways to Navigate the Inner Turmoil
As those of us who have been stricken with cancer are well-aware, there are no magic wands to obliterate all that accompanies the diagnosis. Self-care practices – such as meditation, walking, training, reiki, and massage – and creative expression – such as writing, journaling, drawing, painting, or sculpting – can help us navigate each chapter of the experience.
It’s good to figure out what brings you joy and lifts up your spirits. If writing is your calling, then you understand how the mere act of putting your words on the page is a grounding way to give voice to your feelings. If you decide to share your words and emotional truth publicly, as I have done for more than five decades, then you know how this can empower us and those who read our words. If you don’t already see writing as your calling, consider a journaling practice to help you find out what you don’t know or what’s on your subconscious mind.
Allowing the Words to Emerge
In the early days of the diagnosis and treatment, it’s sometimes difficult to find the words to express what we’re feeling, so I’d just jot down a few key words in my journal which would possibly evolve into a poem or essay. Sometimes after jotting down a few words, I’d wait for 24 hours and see what my words want to become. Patience helps in allowing the words to emerge.
My journaling passion began at the age of 10 when my mother gave me a Khalil Gibran journal to help me cope with the loss of my grandmother, who was my primary caretaker. It was then that I realized the healing power of writing. Thus, it was no surprise that the first thing I did when returning home after my first abnormal mammogram was to pull out my journal.
From then on, I made a habit of writing every morning, when my thoughts were clearest. There were times when I felt so alone during my cancer journey, and my journal became my best friend. I also used journaling to validate difficult feelings of being the only one in my family to have ever had cancer.
Journaling Reveals Your Innermost Feelings
In the writing workshops I teach, I instruct my students that journaling is sort of a reality check. Writing about the challenges and/or traumas in our lives is not only cathartic, but it can help provide answers to some mysterious questions. Journaling brings you face-to-face with your own truths and what has happened to you. The simple act of moving your pen across the page can be soothing and meditative.
My first surgeon knew that I was a writer and encouraged me to chronicle my experience. He even asked me to mail him my musings, so he could understand the feelings of a woman who lost a breast due to cancer. Because my writings were intimate, there were certain things I preferred not to share.
So, in addition to the journal entries written for him, I kept a separate journal for myself that included personal poems crafted during and after my breast cancer journey. Some of them eventually made their way into my self-help memoir, Healing with Words: A Writer’s Cancer Journey.
Writing Takes a Shape of Its Own
I began each day chronicling my physiological and emotional health, in addition to my fears and concerns. I often wandered off into stream-of-consciousness writing, or what is sometimes called automatic writing. Some of my writings turned up as published articles or poems.
Although I was already a published writer prior to my diagnosis, I had no intention of turning my cancer journey into a book. But many colleagues and friends suggested that my writings would help others navigate their journeys. Thus, with their encouragement, my second memoir, Healing with Words, was released in 2010. Once you begin the writing process, you never know what evolves!
As I wrote in one of my subsequent books, Writing for Bliss:
“If you write about something you are presently going through, you will more than likely be writing an account of the experience an chronicling the facts, whereas if you allow some distance from the experience before you write about it, you will have gained perspective and will more easily be able to incorporate reflections. The distance also allows you to have some control over your experience, rather than having the experience control you.” (p. 21)
Surviving the emotional rollercoaster of a mastectomy brings to mind my cousin Dorit’s motto: “From all bad comes good.” In both experiences, I’ve learned to look for the light and what brings me joy. In addition to writing, I sought to be around those who made me feel good about myself and who gave off positive and healing energy.
Turning to Gratitude
Earlier this year, in honoring what I thought was my 23rd year as a breast cancer survivor, I was diagnosed with a more aggressive cancer in my only remaining breast. Knowing that I was about to lose another breast that had fed my three children – now parents themselves – was not an easy reality to face.
Once the initial shock of the diagnosis passed, I again turned to my journal which became a container for my deepest feelings. This time I chose an intention during my writing practice, and that was having gratitude. I was grateful that my cancer was once again caught early during my annual mammograms, and I was very grateful for my wonderful health care team.
I cannot overemphasize the importance of gratitude even when facing what could be a potentially fatal disease. Gratitude journaling is a good way to tap into what you are grateful for.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What is your medium for emotional and psychological relief? Has journaling or some other form of art/craft helped you cope with a difficult situation or a serious diagnosis?