Boomrz Blogz

24 tons of chicken shit. That was my Valentine’s Day present in 2024. This was much better than a bag of chocolate covered M&Ms that a man, who wanted to marry me and boasted about his net worth, gave me after two years of dating; I broke up with him. At least the manure turned my field green.

A funeral brought manure man and I together, despite living two miles apart. In 25 years, our paths had never crossed until I needed a ride to that funeral because my son, a pall bearer, was taking the car. Manure man was offered up as my driver, since he was attending.

We were both so down after this young person’s funeral that we drove up on Skyline Drive and just stared at the sun going down over the Valley. Perhaps that was enough for empathy, oxytocin and grace to take root in human loneliness and want for love, something we shared.

The manure man and I had tried on-again off-again dating for a few years, but we were like a bad sitcom and not as charming. Polar opposites in politics, religion, environmental issues, aesthetics, literacy, energy levels, and what we wanted in a relationship. We shared the same sense of humor, love of nature and the land, coping with adult children, eating well, trying new things, and for whatever reason, genuinely liking each other. But our differences would always overshadow us.

Enlightenment and Bunions

There is a lot we can do for another without being in a relationship with them. Not every attraction should lead to a paring up; not every acquaintance can lead to friendship. It does not hurt to try and see if the shoe fits, but it is more important to realize that a shoe is pinching our toes.

In my youth, well until about 10 years ago, I would have ignored this. I looked to another to fill me up, or at the very least, that I was not whole unless partnered. OR worse, that this is what I deserve. At the root of it all was being loved poorly as a child, so I owned that I was undeserving of being loved well.

Most days, I can remember: I don’t need to earn my soul right – my dignity, beauty, or lovability. Pain is not a birthright; love is. When I am tapping into my enlightened self, I remember that the Divine loves me so much that I will be endured and that divine love, Agape love, bears all things.

When I am rooted in my very mortal bunion feet, and I set a standard for myself that is higher than any human would, or I wish for a partner who would reflect love back to me, my light bulb gets dimmer and dimmer, and I get depressed.

But Sometimes We Get What We Need

And that’s not a good place to be. So, I then have to go beyond where I wish to go, beyond where I feel I can go on my own. Out there in the deep, beyond my own self-giving, where grace and divine love float around is where I will find peace.

Sometimes I can get there through prayer and meditation. Sometimes, I do for others and give of myself selflessly, sometimes I give to myself, and sometimes I am just so damn mortal I have to get out of the house – literally and figuratively – until I remember and know it in my bones that my heart has enough space enough to realize my own soul, the soul of others and love both even when I’ve been ghosted or have ghosted myself.

Maya Angelou wrote that to really love someone is to know the song their heart sings and to hum it back to them on the days they forget how it goes. But first, I need to be able to hum it myself because before I forgot my song, I was loved.

Questions to Consider:

How do you reflect love back to yourself? What lifts you up or reminds you that you are lovable? If you are unpartnered, do you still crave a partner and why? If you are partnered, has that fulfilled your loving cup?

“Life is just one damn thing after another.” Whether this quote is attributed to Mark Twain or to the author Elbert Hubbard, no doubt we can all agree! This quote resonates for mortals of all ages. However, I am fearful about living with the notion as long as we are alive, challenges will never cease. I’d like to tone down these events in my later years.

To be perfectly honest, I am always on the lookout for challenges. Because of my history (and probably yours!), I feel ill-suited to placid times. I just know something terrible and unexpected is on the horizon.

Somehow, the title of one of the very first crockpot cookbooks has taken up residence in my psyche. Having suffered so many untoward events, I simply want to fix it and forget it! My goal is to come up with a viable action plan and move on.

Fix It and Forget It, The Cookbook

In 1971, the Rival Company created the overworked housewife’s and working woman’s dream. A newly invented electric ceramic pot was capable of accepting an early morning dump of common ingredients, and by applying low heat for several hours during the day, a quality dinner could magically appear in the evening.

Just a few years later, Phyllis Good, a Mennonite woman from Intercourse, PA, founded a publishing company entitled Good Books which produced volumes on Mennonite themes and cookbooks. Looking to fill a hole in the publishing schedule, she hit on a brilliant idea: she would solicit recipes from women all over the United States to include in her crockpot cookbook to “empower those short on time and short on confidence to prepare delicious food for those who gather around their tables.”

Fix-It and Forget-It cookbooks, have been updated and expanded, and are still going strong. They have been New York Times and Publisher’s Weekly best sellers, with over 14 million copies sold. There must be something to this simple logic.

Applying the Philosophy

In my own life (and in yours, I’m sure), I’ve been subjected to very similar issues reappearing too frequently, just like those dinners we need to cook every night. There are the beloved, but challenging, family members who always take us by surprise with their onerous predicaments. Then there is the ongoing issue of the waning physical self. There is the perpetual push and pull of spending money. And, there is the endless challenge of how to maintain a functional, cozy home with all of its aging components.

The only way to maintain one’s sanity is to face an issue, fix it, and forget it! The idea is to not let recurrent or unexpected challenges ruin the few, precious years that remain. It is time to apply the wisdom which has accumulated in massive amounts through daily living to these everyday dilemmas.

Family Relations

Family challenges are level 10 for me on a scale of difficulty. Early in my retirement, I created a very effective morning routine to provide some clarity about my family members. Prior to this non-negotiable time for reflection and purpose setting, I was ambushed by every untoward event.

As a result, if I receive challenging news from one of “my people,” a pause is always taken – sometimes a pause of over 24+ hours, and slow, deliberate consideration is made about what, if anything, I need to do. Very often, nothing needs to be done other than to offer encouragement.

Personal Appearance

Probably Sixtyandme.com has one of the world’s largest proliferation of posts on aging and beauty. Since our appearances remain quite stable for many decades, it is hard to accept the escalating visual signs of aging. One is always in need of some “new product” to reverse the natural progression.

Although I still can’t quite believe my mirror, I have been guilty of purchasing entirely too many beauty products and feeling badly about my looks. My “fix it and forget it philosophy” has recently gone into high gear.

I found a new hair stylist who 100% gets my wanna-be blonde, somewhat gray/brown hair which is overly subject to humid weather. No need to look elsewhere. I’ve found the right anti-aging creams, eyeliner which accommodates a shaky hand, and under eye concealer which is an overachiever. I will spring for that pricey retinol night product, because it works. I’M DONE!!! I will no longer be seduced by fantasy.

Money Issues

I am still trying to figure out why the pandemic and its supply chain issues have raised prices so drastically several years down the road. Whatever the reasons, real or manufactured by corporate greed, I am not a player. I have accepted that too much money is required for quality purchases, and that most mundane items are poorly made and overpriced.

Restaurants and food have passed through someplace in the netherworld, and all rules of economics have changed. I am primarily a do-it-yourselfer, a re-purposer, and an occasional treat-yourselfer! Money is not spent unless something has a definite practical or soul-worthy need!

Home Economics

Another result of the pandemic has been the elevated value of having a comfortable, quality home. I apply my money logic to all home purchases – Do I really need this? Will it enhance our comfort? Is a repair or upgrade a good or necessary investment? No more cringing at unexpected prices.

Phyllis Good accidentally stumbled upon a universal need in the kitchen. With a change in mindset, we can have the mental equivalent of that delicious warm dinner at the end of a hard day: peace of mind.

How It Affects You:

What do you think about the fix it and forget it mindset? Do you have any tricks to keep challenging situations at bay? What repeated scenarios keep you up at night?

Are you sitting there thinking how much you would love to travel, but can’t afford it? There are always bills to pay, and the cost of living has put travel out of many people’s reach. I know that feeling! But if you think outside the box, there are ways to travel the world and have adventures for just a fraction of the cost.

As an experienced traveller on a tight budget, I have learnt how to see this beautiful world without breaking the bank. Cruising, driving, flying, bus or travelling by train, I don’t mind how I get there or where I go, as long as I can afford it and I will enjoy it.

Below are several different ways to travel the world on a budget, or maybe even for free. In some cases, you might get paid for the pleasure!

International Courier

Would you like to visit Singapore, Shanghai, Los Angeles, Delhi, Dubai, Paris, or Barcelona? These are just a few of the places that ‘hand couriers’ take letters, confidential documents or small parcels for clients. 

Sometimes letters or parcels are so important that the client is looking for a courier to personally accompany a consignment door-to-door, offering a worldwide courier service for clients.

All flights, accommodation, food, expenses are paid and there are several companies that pay the courier too. This can be an excellent way to see the world if you are reliable, trustworthy and flexible.

Look up Absolutely, Speedel, Priority Freight, or type in “on board courier services” to look for other such companies.

Chaperone

Many airlines do not allow children under 12 to travel on their own. Sometimes film makers, private schools, extended family, etc. require a chaperone (sometimes called a Flying Nanny or Travel Nanny) for a child to be looked after and safely escorted from one destination to another. 

This can be a really interesting way to travel as you will be accompanied by the child (probably one way) so will need to be responsible at all times.

The destinations are varied but often from the UK include North America, Dubai, India and China. You will receive all expenses, plus a fee for your time.

Pet flight nannies are also a viable option if you love animals. Look up “Pet Nanny” online to learn more.

Monastery Hopper

I have stayed at a Buddhist monastery several times but had no idea that ‘Monastery Hopping’ existed! Since then, I have met many people who travel all over the world, providing a few hours’ work, in return for bed and board. There are monasteries in England, Ireland, Portugal, Canada, Italy, Thailand, Switzerland, India and many more. Most of them have few, or no, staff so rely on volunteers.

I have always had my own room with a communal shower, but sometimes you may be sharing your room with others. You usually work for about 3 or 4 hours a day, taking care of Monks (and sometimes nuns). This may include cooking, cleaning, gardening, driving, etc. There are no age restrictions, but you will need to be fit enough to do your tasks.

You will, of course, need to respect their culture and traditions, and will probably be invited to pujas (prayers) and ceremonies, which are beautiful and interesting. You may also have the opportunity to practice meditation and yoga.

It is a wonderful way for budget travel as you will meet so many interesting people and learn so much. Staying at monasteries is one of my favourite things in all my travels. And I have some truly wonderful memories. I have never known such kindness, warmth and generosity of spirit in my life.

Places can be competitive and there are times of the year when monasteries may be closed for retreats or events, so it is essential to email/phone before arriving.

Travel/Blog Writer/Influencer

Imagine travelling the world, writing about it, getting all your expenses for free and maybe even getting paid for what you do! It may seem a little too good to be true and, it can be very competitive, but it is entirely possible.

If you love travelling and can write about your adventures and experiences, you could write for travel magazines around the world, start a YouTube channel/Instagram or start a blog.

People love to hear about travelling, especially if you are going off the beaten track or doing something unusual. Perhaps going on a safari, cycling around a country, taking a tuk-tuk, travelling by train or sailing the oceans.

Home Swap

If you don’t mind someone staying in your home, you could consider home swapping as a budget travel option. This is where a person (or people) stay at your home while you stay at theirs. It is a great way to travel authentically, because you really are seeing the world from a local’s perspective.

You create a listing, introduce yourself and upload a few photos of your own home. When this is done, you browse the site for places to stay that interest you, and then communicate with the owner to see if they want to arrange a mutual exchange.

There are several companies that can arrange this for you, and you generally pay an annual subscription. Always do your research thoroughly and make sure your home is fully insured. 

These are just a few options for travelling without breaking the bank. 🙂 I am sure you could think of many more!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What does budget travel mean to you? Have you tried any off-the-beaten-path options? Which ones would you repeat and recommend?

In the intricate tapestry of human interactions and societal dynamics, the question of responsibility often emerges as a central theme. From personal relationships to global issues, determining whose problem it is can be a challenging endeavour. Whose problem is it anyway? For me, this question is the essence of this dilemma, and asking it prompts reflection on accountability, empathy, and the interconnectedness of our shared existence.

Individual Responsibility

At the micro level, individual responsibility plays a crucial role in shaping our daily interactions. In personal relationships, conflicts can arise over mundane issues, and the question of responsibility becomes pivotal. Is it the partner who forgot to take out the trash, or is it the one who failed to communicate expectations clearly?

Taking ownership of one’s actions and decisions is an essential aspect of personal growth and harmonious relationships. Instead of playing the blame game, we can foster healthier connections by embracing accountability. By acknowledging our role in a situation, we contribute to the resolution rather than perpetuating a cycle of finger-pointing.

Community and Societal Responsibilities

Zooming out to the community and societal level, the complexity of responsibility becomes more apparent. Poverty, for instance, may be viewed as a collective responsibility, involving governments, businesses, and citizens alike.

When it comes to societal problems, there is often no single entity to blame. Solutions require collaborative efforts and a shared commitment to addressing root causes. While governments play a crucial role in implementing policies, individuals and businesses also have responsibilities to create a more equitable society through conscious consumer choices and philanthropy.

Global Challenges

On the global stage, issues such as climate change, pandemics, and geopolitical conflicts underscore the interconnectedness of our world. The question of responsibility echoes loudly in international debates, with nations grappling over who should bear the burden of solving pressing global challenges.

Climate change, for instance, poses a threat that transcends borders. While developed nations may contribute more to carbon emissions historically, emerging economies argue for their right to development. Navigating the complexities of global responsibility requires diplomatic finesse, cooperation, and a recognition of shared interests in sustaining the planet.

Corporate Responsibility

In the business realm, the concept of corporate social responsibility (CSR) has gained prominence. As companies wield significant influence on economies and societies, the question of whose problem it is becomes vital. Businesses can no longer operate in isolation, focusing solely on profit margins; they are increasingly expected to consider their impact on the environment, society, and their employees.

CSR initiatives encompass ethical business practices, environmental sustainability, and community engagement. Companies that proactively address these issues contribute to the greater good, recognizing that their success is intertwined with the well-being of the communities in which they operate.

Balancing Act

While determining responsibility is a complex task, striking a balance between individual, communal, and global accountability is essential. In some instances, it may be clear-cut, with a direct line connecting cause and effect. However, more often than not, responsibilities are intertwined, requiring a nuanced approach.

Empathy and Understanding

In navigating the question of whose problem it is, cultivating empathy and understanding is paramount. Recognizing the perspectives and challenges faced by others allows for more inclusive problem-solving. Instead of assigning blame, a collective effort to address issues fosters a sense of shared responsibility, creating a foundation for sustainable solutions.

Conclusion

In the intricate dance of responsibility, the answer to “Whose problem is it anyway?” is rarely straightforward. It is a question that permeates every facet of human existence, from personal relationships to global challenges. Embracing accountability at the individual level, fostering community engagement, and addressing global issues collaboratively are key components of a harmonious and interconnected world. Ultimately, the collective recognition that we are all stakeholders in the well-being of our planet and each other paves the way for a more compassionate and responsible future.

Questions for You

How do you accept responsibility for your actions? Do you look deeply enough to see whose problem it is anyway? Have you caught yourself assigning blame instead of accepting responsibility?

I don’t know about you, but there have been different times when I’ve looked around my home and felt overwhelmed by the sheer clutter. Perhaps work kept me so busy that my house took a back seat in my list of priorities. This neglect has somehow turned into a level of hoarding.

One day, you look around and realise that something needs to be done to get your home organised again. So, how do you begin?

First, it’s essential to understand hoarding. Hoarding is a condition characterised by the excessive accumulation of items and the difficulty of discarding them, leading to cluttered and often unusable living spaces. I’ve outlined five different levels of hoarding, ranging from mild to severe.

Most people will fall into the first two levels. However, seeking additional support and professional help is advisable to navigate the decluttering process effectively if you identify with the higher levels.

Regardless of your level, once you take the first step toward a clutter-free home, you’ll feel instant relief and a sense of achievement. This blog covers 12 clutter-busting tips for result-oriented hoarders.

Implementing these strategies will transform your living space into an organised, serene oasis. This will alleviate your anxiety and create a more peaceful and enjoyable environment for you and your loved ones. With a decluttered home, you’ll find it easier to relax, focus, and appreciate the beauty of your surroundings.

Levels of Hoarding

Level 1:  Mild Hoarding

No noticeable odours.

All doors and stairs are reachable.

There is some mess, but all rooms are accessible.

Level 2:  Moderate Hoarding

One or more exits are blocked.

Occasional use of one or a few rooms.

Light to moderate odours.

Insect or rodent infestations.

Level 3: Significant Hoarding

One room is unusable at all.

Difficulty entering necessary locations, like the kitchen or bathroom.

Strong odours.

Structural damage to the home.

Level 4: Severe Hoarding

Multiple rooms are unusable.

Major structural damage.

Widespread pest infestation.

Dangerous collections of items.

Level 5: Extreme Hoarding

All or most of the rooms are unusable.

Severe structural damage.

Extensive pest infestations.

12 Decluttering Tips for Hoarders

Tip #1: Go Small

Take it slow with a small, achievable area like one drawer or shelf. Finishing something small often motivates you to tackle a bigger space.

Tip #2: Maintain Clarity in Mind and Be Focused on Clear Objectives

Always make it clear within your head what the goal of initiating this decluttering session will be, and those objectives must be easily achievable. Setting goals helps you stay on task, whether clearing out a particular room or reducing the items.

Tip #3: Use the Four-Box Method

Label four boxes as “Keep,” “Donate,” “Sell”, and “Trash.” As you go, put the items into their corresponding box to make your decision-making easier later.

Tip #4: Follow the One-Year Rule

If you haven’t used something within the last year – chances are, you don’t need it.

Tip #5: Seek Professional Help

Know when to get a professional organiser who specialises in hoarding cases. These individuals can provide structured guidance and empathy surrounding this ordeal.

Tip #6: Limit Duplicate Items

Keep only one of each item type. Multiple items serving the same purpose can clutter your space unnecessarily.

Tip #7: Design Your Decluttering Plan Schedule

Set aside regular time slots for decluttering sessions. 

Tip #8: Go Paperless

Scan all your important documents and save them in digital format. This will reduce the number of pieces of paper around your office and make placing and retrieving them easier.

Tip #9: Get Help from a Friend or Family Member

Having someone to help you can be morally supportive, allow you to make decisions, and allow you to have fun.

Tip #10: Do One-In, One-Out

For every new item you acquire, make it a responsibility to discard one old one. This ensures balance and prevents new things from becoming clutter in a few months.

Tip #11: Detach Emotionally

Consider the things that do not affect your emotions or general mood. This way you can make a rational and enlightened decision about what to keep.

Tip #12: Reward Yourself

Each milestone made is worth a little celebration. Positive reinforcement helps you stay focused and eliminate the unnecessary.

Conclusion

Hoarding is a complex disorder that can have crippling effects, interfering with the quality of your life through severe clutter and disorganisation. If we can break this down by learning the five levels of hoarding, we can better rate ourselves and find methods that work and support us.

When our house is tidy, there are benefits beyond physical cleanliness. A little order can make a big difference in mental health – decreasing stress and lowering levels of anxiety, creating an environment that is calm and conducive to relaxation and productivity. Additionally, when we declutter and resourcefully use our home space, it becomes a place for friends to visit.

In doing so, we create a way to be surrounded by organised, simple, essential items that contribute to peace and order and help improve our overall well-being. Bask in the clutter-free life that will take months to achieve but make significant changes that will last a lifetime.

Also read DOWNSIZING YOUR HOME AS A 60+ WOMAN: FACING THE DISCOMFORT OF UNCERTAINTY.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What level hoarder are you? Have you been at a higher level? How did you bring yourself to your current hoarding state? What tips have you followed on your decluttering journey?